it's funny how things always change. if you've ever kept a diary maybe you know well this feeling - the way you'll write something down, some problem you're turning over and over in your head, and then come back to it in a week or a month and everything you were thinking about has resolved itself in one way or another. that's how i feel about the online-induced paranoia i was talking about. still in a black and white discoursey mindset, i thought my only options were to be upfront about my opinions and have no friends, or repress them and forever feel like a shallow, disconnected fake.

turns out the solution revealed itself in a different way. inspired by omoulo (who is a rad artist & generally insightful person) i took a long break from the internet, even swapped to a dumbphone for 4 months, completely cut myself off from any spaces where discourse happened. you know, it's amazing how little internet nonsense matters in the grand scheme of things and in everyday life. how political opinions are only one out of many more interesting and relevant aspects of people.

it's really nice to finally be at a spot where i know what i believe, and i don't feel any need to change anyone's opinions, and i don't feel threatened by anyone's opinions. we can coexist! it's so freeing to realise that. i don't know, i have sympathy for people who truly feel that it's impossible to opt out or rid their everyday lives of politics, but sometimes it really does just take changing the way we look at a situation for it to improve.

in other news, i'm excited to do more work on this site. time and time again i re-realise that the two main things I need to stay sane are 1) meaningful relationships and 2) projects to work on. last october/november i got really into colors-tcg and made a site for my cards. i spent weeks in a JS-learning frenzy. then the latest wow expansion dropped at the end of november and i've just been playing wow ever since then (story of my life).

though, this january i did manage to - after several stilted attempts over the past 4 years - finally get into reading poetry. rather than a lightbulb moment, it was like a switch flipping in my brain, and i realised oh, so that's what all the hype is about. i intend to make a poetry collection page to highlight some favourite poems i find, and maybe talk a little more about my thoughts on poetry specifically.

i would like to get back into drawing at some point, and finish setting up my gallery site. i had a lot of fun tabling at conventions last years but it really burnt me out on drawing quite completely.